चुप ओये चेतन भक्त… Oops… भगत!!

Dear Mr. Bhagat, I am 30. Born to Hindu parents – so a Hindu by birth. I come from a not-so-known city of Uttar Pradesh. I work here in NCR with a digital advertising firm. I write mails in English, I talk to my friends, not-so-friendly colleagues, and bosses in English, day in day out. Last but not the least, I kinda like Narendra Modi.

Your “Anatomy of an Internet Troll” left me intrigued. Rather pissed. I felt you pulled me up by my hair and dropped me in a box labeled – modi bhaqt.

I guess you generalized. It’s bad!! Generalizing is bad. It’s a very shallow thing. Much, much more for a person like you.

Why you??

You’re an icon. Icon, for the whole bunch of kids who are in their late teens or early twenties. In a country like ours which is having sex and multiplying like rats, the count of such “fans” run in millions.

Let me take an example here. I have read 3 of your books. First three ones, to be precise. I read them as and when they came out and I was in college at that time. So, when I read “2 States” I had this impression of you being a tall, fair, muscular with a heavy, super-manly voice. Much like the image we have of “Punjabi men” (see I am generalizing). And it was quite obvious too as movies have made us learn that it that way only. However, when I saw you in first episode of “Nach Baliye” my entire imagination of you was shattered to the core.

You are just the opposite of the “2 States’ protagonist”. The toned body was absent. The hair was absent. The voice, too, wasn’t there. And, for me, you were effeminate (see I am bisexual. I have closely seen and lived the VIBGYOR lifestyle and I can very well see if the guy falls anywhere/somewhere in the spectrum). By the way, that’s not even the worst part of it. The worst was that your constant commentary on participants’ love life. You were being preachy, judgmental and MY-WAY-IS-THE-ONLY-RIGHT-WAY. Which sadly, was all crap. In short, that commentary was just not required. Overall, you made yourself look like a fool thus shattering the image that I (and most of us) have of you in our mind.

Well, enough of this generalization bit. Let’s talk about your article.

You provided 4 traits of a “Bhaqt”. First is true, for me at least! I am a male. Congratulations on that! 😉

Now your second point says that Bhaqts have weak communication skills. Aah, Mr. Writer, why did you say that? And you tied “being cool” and “sophistication” with spoken English? Really? Let me give you few more examples here. Rahul Gandhi and Rahul Mahajan. They both can communicate very well in English. However, the former isn’t cool and the latter isn’t sophisticated. Boom!

Your third point talks about Bhaqt not being good at talking to women, their inability to get women and being sexually frustrated. Whoa!! That’s too much of shit you can throw on a person in one go. Well Mr. Writer, that’s a very subjective thing. There are people who don’t know how to talk to women and constant approach them sexually. Look around, you’d find examples in every walk of life. In film industry, politics (remember some Tiwari?), in sports committees. Everywhere. I’d just tell you  not to generalize.

Your last point has taken me by surprise. You think it is the Bhaqts who has issues with their Hindu/Hindi speaking identity? What rubbish! It’s people like you who’ve created that identity crisis. You only glued ‘English speaking skills’ with ‘sophistication’ and ‘cool quotient’. Not me. You know that the guy standing across the CCD counter doesn’t speak fluent English; still you place your order in rather phony accented English. Why? Haven’t you seen ladies around you addressing autowallahs with a very idiotic “Bhayaaa”? It’s the handful of rich upper class that looks down. Don’t blame the boys of the entire middle, lower-middle class for that.

There’s much more. I have used the word ‘Shit’ somewhere in my letter. Did you notice it? I am sure you didn’t and most of the readers would’ve missed it too. Now imagine if instead of shit I had used a Hindi counterpart. What would have been your reaction?

You’ve issues with these Bhaqts abusing these confident, English-speaking women who oppose Modi, right? Well I don’t like it either. Everyone is entitled to say his/her heart out. At least till they time they don’t come in the way of others’ rights. But you see, there is a bit of Hindi-English issue here.

While terms like “who’s got the balls”, “ass”, “lick my butt”, “lick my back” don’t raise any eyebrows, why do words like “कुतिया”, “बेहेनचोद”, “लंड” are objected upon. Who’s at the fault here? The English speaking, confident women, I guess.

You stop calling me “ass” and I’d stop calling you “चूतिया”. It’s okay, I believe?

There are a lot of things that I want to write further but I don’t have any energy left in me to do it. So, I’ll keep it short.

1. I have had a lot of sex with men and women both. I am not sexually frustrated.
2. I love Hindi as it is my mother toungue.
3. I respect women but can’t let them shit around.
4. I am not a Bhaqt yet I like #NaMo for a lot of reasons.

Why don’t you get back to work…. I mean go suck at Nach Baliye’s set.