aniruddhwrites

Author: aniruddhwrites

  • The AAP govt that isn’t: Open Letter to Ashutosh!

    The AAP govt that isn’t: Open Letter to Ashutosh!

    Hello Ashutosh!

    I do remember you presenting news and anchoring debates for a news channel. You joining the Aam Aadmi Party was a news too and I kinda remember that as well. However I got to know the real you when I started following @ashutosh083B (the twitter handle run by @sailorsmoon). This guy put forth the real you by very rightly predicting your PoV well in advance with his sarcastic tweets.

    The attack on Alka Lamba, an AAP MLA, has been making headlines for past 2-3 days. It definitely was an act of shame and cowardliness. Hitting someone can never be a part of the solution, no matter how difficult the situation is. Violence can never solve anything.

    I saw tons of tweets coming from people of almost all possible political ideologies. Emotion laden tweets, tweets calling people names, tweets about Human Rights, tweets about governance, tweets laced with foul language and tweets that were plain stupid.  I am sorry to say, but a lot of stupid tweets came from your twitter handle. Then, I read your blog “AAP Full of Alka Lambas, Come, Break Our bones” and to be true, I wasn’t surprised at all. What I read was expected. However I can’t hold myself any further and I want to ask you some questions?

    • First thing first, where was Alka Lamba hit? Was she hit in the sweet shop, entering it, leaving it or nearby it?
    • Secondly, in her fight against the evil of drugs, what was Alka Lamba doing in that sweet shop?
    • There is a video from the CCTV footage of that shop. If that’s not doctored, why was Alka Lamba pushing that billing machine and other stuff?
    • Who actually attacked her? You wrote in the article that there was a guy covered in quilt running on the rooftop (in the month of August who’d roam around on rooftops in a quilt? A lunatic or a pre-planner, I guess! ). He was caught and was handed over to the police. As per the locals he was working at the sweetshop, right? Did police confirm it? Did he or the sweetshop owner corroborated as much?
    • What was the age of the attacker? Was he anyhow related to the sweetshop owner? If he is above 18 then how can you blame the shop-owner for what a servant does? See, I am 30 and if I go about slapping someone, I don’t expect him/her running to police saying that XYZ’s son or XYZ’s servant slapped me. What do you think?
    • Was the BJP MLA present in the shop when all this happened? While you can see a lot of images of Alka Lamba before and after she was hit, where are the images of this BJP MLA? If in case, he wasn’t there, does this entire episode really make any sense to you?
    • Alka Lamba said that she attacked the shop after she was attacked. Is it so? She, an AAP MLA, took the matter in her own hands? Did she inform the policemen who were present there? Didn’t they do anything?

    Over and above this case, I have noticed a lot of your tweets that don’t make any sense.  I am posting them here, along with my questions.

    • What’s with these “Conspiracy Theories” that surface every now and then? Start following AAP people and one would get to see that almost entire world is BJP/Adani/Ambani agent plotting conspiracies against AAP.

    Alka Conspiracy

    • What proof are you talking about here? Much like the “conspiracy theories” this term ‘proof’ is used repeatedly and regularly. What are you talking about here? That whatever BJP said was right and the Police corroborated the same? Or are you trying to say that whosoever doesn’t share your PoV is BJP agent (who were all Congress agents before May 2014, by the way)?

    Alka Proof

    • What is Modi Police?

    Alka Modi Police

    What exactly are you trying to say here? If you think that the police aren’t doing the job the way it should be done did you guys think of taking it to the court? Let’s assume that the PM is corrupt, the central government is corrupt and same is the case with the police as well. I am sure you’d agree that the Indian judicial system isn’t corrupt. The “Yadav Singh Case” is the clear cut example. While the UP government tried their best to save Yadav Singh, the courts of this country are doing what’s right. Why don’t you guys do such a thing?

    • What’s with this tweet? The equation: Alka + Bassi + PM + Bihar =_____________________?

    Alka Ashu

    What has the attack on Alka Lamba got to do with Bihar? In case you’re simply using it to lube up the Bihar polls, congratulations AAP too became the regular political party who spins shit and plays with it to get attention.

    • Towards the end of your article, you said that “Every minor incident is blown out of proportion and false cases are slapped against them (AAP MLAs)”. We sir, this is exactly what AAP is doing 24*7 these days. Do a random survey of Twitter handles of AAP people, 90% of the tweets are against the BJP. Sir, instead of actually working, you’re creating a puddle of political filth. And you all have started to enjoy it.
    • You also said that “AAP’s crime is that it dared to challenge the might of a leader and a party who in its nature is intolerant and leaves no space for dissent and disagreement.” Clearly, YOU are using these incidents to take political advantage. In your language, isn’t this “ENOUGH PROOF”?

    Last but not the least, do you, the MLAs and the party members know that it is YOUR GOVERNMENT in the state? YOU ARE A PART OF THE GOVERNMENT OF DELHI! Isn’t there anything that you can do in the state assembly? Isn’t there anything the courts of this country can do for you? You all make the AAP government look a bunch of losers who, despite being in government are constantly behaving like street urchins. Till when are you going to fool around like this? When is this naïve behavior going to end? I know the common man is isn’t abreast of how government machinery works. I know you and your bunch are going to manipulate it all till the very end.

    Pity, the national capital is in hands of people like you!

    Regards,

  • I am not a snake-charmer. Don’t call me one!

    Hello New York Times,

    I call myself “Aam Aadmi Partly” in the digital world. It literally means that I am a “common man – partially”. So it’s safe to assume that I do represent an average Indian – at least partially.

    I got to read an article written by Sonia Faleiro, published in NYT titled “Saving the Cows, Starving the Children” dated June 26th, 2015. To begin with, the article was upsetting. Upsetting, not because it targets the BJP or our PM or the right wing ideology. I am upset because it targets them on half baked facts and figures. There are assumptions everywhere in the article and I am going to detail out all of them here. However, before I start writing (rather commenting) on the article, there’s something that I want to highlight with 2 examples.

    1. See, I hail from a not-so-famous city of the Indian state of Uttar Pradesh. As it wasn’t famous, the only foreigners (people from Europe and US to be precise) I ever saw was in Agra where they came to visit the famous Taj Mahal or those who I saw them in movies. By movies I am here referring to porn as well as regular feature films. Back then, watching all those porn and movies like American Pie series made me (and almost every adolescent) think that these foreigners are all about sex. That’s what drive them 24*7. They are always willing to take their pants off. It made me think that the West is an open sex society. You just have to approach the person and he/she will take you to the bedroom. That was stupid, of course. As I grew, I got to know that there a lot more about the western world than sex and there are all sorts of people out there too – open minded, narrow minded, liberal, religious and conservative etc. There are people who go nuts over religion and races. There are people who drive campaigns against abortions and homosexuality. Basically, I got to know that the westerns were just like us. All I did was assuming and generalizing.
    2. India has had this reputation of being home to cow-worshippers, snake-charmers, sadhus (saints) and jadugars (magicians) for ages. Even now a lot of people picture us like that. That’s absurd. Like every bit of it. We’re taking satellites of countries across the globe to their orbits. We’re the champions of the BPO/Outsourcing industry. And it’s none other than us who meticulously work to make the Hollywood movies’ animations come to life. People just assumed and generalized.

    “ASUMPTIONS” and “GENERALIZATIONS” are bad. I used the examples to say as much. Let’s talk about the article now.

    If I am guessing it right, the article is about

    1. The under-nourished kids
    2. The rise of right-wing politics in India

    I’ll talk about the hungry kids first.

    More than half of the pregnant women are anemic. India has a very high infant mortality rate. Less than half of the infants under the age of 6 months are exclusively breastfed. You’d be surprised to know that a basic thing like iodized salt isn’t available to half of the nation. Clearly, the tale of undernourishment starts right from the mother’s womb. A lot of kids die before turning 5 – the age when kids start their education in schools. I just wish the author had talked about every kid born in this country. However, the author chose to talk about eggs that Shivraj Singh Chouhan didn’t allow to reach school.

    You know there’s a huge stock of wheat in government godowns. Its way more than the “Buffer Stock” the government has to keep and huge quantities of it are stocked out there in open. Every year during rains huge quantities of it end up rotting. Imagine the change we can make, if this wheat reaches to all those pregnant ladies and kids in form of porridge. Unfortunately, the author just wanted to associate hunger, eggs and the BJP.

    Now let’s talk about BEEF!

    It seems the author didn’t know that beef for almost all Indians (be it Hindus, Muslims or Christians) is buffalo meat. Didn’t she know it’s available across the nation? In the diet of Indian Muslims buffalo meat is an important component and you can find scores of street hawkers selling “Biryani” having buffalo meat. Furthermore, the buffalo meat exporting industry is growing in double digits and if I am not misquoting, it is set to become a $ 30,000 million strong industry this year. The central government in fact offers handsome subsidy for setting up a meat processing unit. What the BJP led government in Maharashtra has done deals with the meat of cows only which is anyways banned in all but a couple of states.

    Clearly, the author either didn’t do her homework properly or she is biased against the Indian majority religion.

    We could be anything but perfectly healthy and the government isn’t perfect either. Definitely, there’s a lot more that our government should be doing and vigilant citizens, organizations and journalists should criticize the government for every wrong step that it takes. However, I wouldn’t allow a person with a fancy name and biased intent to criticize my government and its policies.

    Can your author answer the following questions?

    • Why the author didn’t talk about the availability and abundance of food stuff? Pigs are present in abundance across the nation. Their meat is tasty and the high fat percent would have ensured a rich supply of energy to our kids. They are easy to rear and are prolific breeders. I wonder why the author didn’t think of including and advocating pigs. Oh wait….. muslims don’t consume pork. Is that the reason that our dear author didn’t include them?
    • Did she care to study about the eating habits of Indians? The Indian non-vegetarian habits are a little different from that of the world. Apart from Muslims, Tribals and some Christians, the meat consuming Indians (primarily Hindus and Sikhs) are muscle eaters. We don’t eat eyes, offal, brain and tongue etc. and that’s kinda inbuilt. May be driven out of religion and culture. Clearly, being vegan, vegetarian or selective non-veg is a very personal choice. You cannot (and should not) ask people to change. Can you imagine a dog or snake being eaten in US? Why? Because, it’s not a part of their eating habit. Likewise we Indians don’t eat beef.

    The author is probably right in criticizing the Madhya Pradesh government for banning eggs. However, I wouldn’t say it’s a super-food.  The Indian cottage cheese has a higher protein percentage and so does Tofu, the Soya cheese. I’d agree that the availability and price of eggs make it a much better food item and if a kid wants to have it, NO ONE should come in between. Unfortunately, that’s not what the author wanted to say. Three out of the first 4 paragraphs talk about how Shivraj Singh Chauhan denied the tiny-tots of Madhya Pradesh eggs, the super-food. The next 4 paragraphs talked about the ban on beef imposed harshly by the BJP led government of Maharashtra. After this, the entire article was about politics. The politics of BJP. The right-wing inclined, (communal in terms of Indian journalists’ lingo) politics. The dirty, HINDU centric, minority-hating politics of the BJP and of the Indian PM Modi.

    I am not a right-wing Hindu champ of sorts. However, there has been a flood of people like this author in our country. Our journalists fabricate stories, spit venom and appease minorities (read Muslims) every single minute. Now I don’t want a reputed name like NYT to do the same. Not at the cost of my nation’s reputation.  I am not a snake-charmer, don’t call me one.

  • कश्मीर की आज़ादी

    वो च्च्चा था, ये था भाई,

    वो बुड्ढी थी सबकी ताई।

    उस जन्नत के फ़िरदौस का

    कोई फूल था कोई था माली।

    हर सुख दुःख इनका साझा था,

    नून-चाय, वाज़वां साझा था।

    नन्द ऋषि – लाल देद की औलादों को,

    लड़ना – झगड़ना कहाँ आता था?

    कश्मीरियत के वारिसों का आखिर,

    खून भी तो साझा था।

    झेलम – डल, हज़रतबल – खीरभवानी,

    रेशा-रेशा, ज़र्रा-ज़र्रा साझा था।
    एक मतवाले ने देखा सपना,

    निज़ाम-ए-मुस्तफा लाने का।

    अलसाई सी वादी में,

    दावानल भड़काने का।
    लाल चोक फिर लाल हुई

    और क़त्ल कश्मीरियत का हुआ।

    हुआ अनाथ कोई तो कोई बेवा हुई,

    हुई क़ुबूल पाक की बददुआ।
    राजतरंगिनी लिखने वालों ने

    लिखी विनाश की बोलियाँ।

    झेलम भी खून से लाल हुई,

    जब चली आज़ादी की गोलियाँ।
    आज़ादी के सपने में,

    बच्चे – लड़के कुर्बान हुए।

    जुड़े नहीं जो इस मजमे से,

    हिन्दू हुए, गद्दार हुए।
    मिला किसी को कुछ खास नहीं,

    बस शमशान यहाँ गुलज़ार हुए।

    और मुठ्ठी भर की ज़िद के आगे,

    लाखोँ के घर बर्बाद हुए।

  • What if IIN comes to life?

    IIN as a concept has been picked up by the Twitter Trolls intellectuals big time. There was a time when even I compiled a list of some known people, from various walks of life, who in all probability honed their skills from some or the other IIN institute. As the tweet got quite a good response, I thought that if I ever had a blog, I’d definitely elaborate the list (not only of IIN students but possible Management people and faculty members) of the IIN. So, here’s my blog and here’s the list.

    Where would it be located?

    Right next to Arindam Chaudhary’s IIPM. I am sure there cannot be a better place for IIN than that. Chaudhary is such a daring person. After all, he’s been daring students to do what he himself couldn’t do in his life – get into an IIM.

    Possible Chancellor/ Vice Chancellor

    Azam Khan: The lord of Azamgarh is far more creative than the world thinks he is. James Cameron played God while creating Avatar, right? Our Khan Sahab, has much much more creativity than him. He can not only create an entire university on papers but can also get himself crowned as its chancellor. He can get buffalos delivered to his doorsteps all the way from Punjab. Once some lunatic crashed into his house and stole 3 of his prized buffalos. Khan Sahab made UP Police find those 3 buffalos thrice in next few months. So now you know he’s a resourceful man and thus apt for heading IIN.

    Leela Samson: She was once Priyanka Gandhi’s dance teacher. Then she did something. Then something happened to her. What exactly? Well, it’s like Lord Voldermort. It’s all there but we can’t call it y its name. Recently we saw her heading CBFC. Isn’t that enough to prove her qualifications.

    Arvind Kejriwal: Be it a dharma or an agitation, a movement or a government, this guy likes to head everything. He wants to be the person ‘In-charge’. He always knows what’s right, he knows who’s right and he is extremely quick at getting ‘internal checks’ done and declaring people not corrupt fit. You know the kind of work a Chancellor/VC is supposed to do, right? I bet, AK is the man!

    Proctorial Team:

    Raghu: This as**hole from Roadies got his back fu*ked like a zillion times. So basically it is he is tamper proof. He cares about big coc*ks. Err… I mean he cares about youth. He’s been mentoring them on TV for over 10 years. He knows how to handle students, right?

    Ayyub Rana: She knows what is right. And she knows she’s always right. She’s good at spoken English and her knowledge of English cuss words is unparallel. She looks down at almost every person and is very quick to blame people. I am sure, she’d one of the best proctors of the IIN university. The hatred fear in minds of students will be second to none other than hatred fear of Bhaqts.

    Ravish Kumar: He can speak for 500 seconds at a speed of 210 words/min. All of this in a single breath. Isn’t that exactly what proctors are supposed to do? Yell at students and beat the nationality shit out  of Bhaqts students. He’d be good. Trust me.

    Head of Deaprtment(s) and Faculty Members

    Faculty of Arts – Digvijay Singh

    He’s good at talking. Good at talking rubbish, to be precise. Only he can head the department where all the good-for-nothing backbenchers end up.

    Faculty of Life Sciences – Subrimanyan Swany

    This guy knows a lot about biology. He knows that ‘homosexuality’ is a genetic disorder that needs to be cure. He has his fantastic stories theories about non-vegetarian diet making you a morally weaker being. I am sure he’d kickstart the much needed R&D work in life-sciences with his creative thoughts.

    Faculty of Mathematics – Rahul Gandhi

    He’s the one who added new dimensions to the Fractions.  2 में से 3 आदमी! God!! Did you ever think of what’s there, what’s obvious? He’s the one.

    Faculty of Sciences (Physics and Chemistry) – Mulayam Singh Yadav

    Netaji made his nomination rather easy. He’s the one who brought people of different polarity (Nitiesh and Lalu) together under one roof. He tied Devegawda (is this the right spelling? Why bother about name’s spelling when nobody bothers about the man? ), Sharad, Lalu, Mulayam, other seasonal insects and parasites with ionic bonds.

    Department of Education – Sagarika Ghosh

    She is a very fine lady. She gets driven around in metro cities but knows everything about the entire nation. She goes clubbing, sips finest wines in 5 stars but also bows down 5 times a day. She commits grammatical errors in her tweets but is always there to educate others. She’s determined and motivated for the cause of upliftment of Bhaqts (but not at the cost of precious Muslims minorities)

    Department of Physical Education – Arnab Goswami

    Yes him. Yes the guy who sits in his cozy chair and yells at everyone for hours. Guess, why?…… This guy makes people to run from pillar to post. What for? For a string of 10 straight seconds to make their point. Can you imagine if he can make people run just to articulate themselves, what will he do when it comes to their physical well-being?

    Department of Moral Sciences – Rajdeep Sardesai, Barkha Dutt, Kavita Krishnan, Sanjay Jha, Digvijay Singh, Jairam Ramesh, Mahesh Bhatt, Dia Mirza, Shruti Seth, Alka Lamba, Aushutosh and 346,239 other possible names. I don’t have to list their qualities here. There aren’t enough words and GBs/TBs of memory to do that. Let’s, chuck it!

    Students

    What is a university/institute without its students? Here’s a combined list of IIN Alumni and present students studying at IIN. This list also tells the field that a student/alumnus

    Alumni/Students in the field of performing arts:

    • Sajid Khan (IIN’s 1st student of performing arts) – Movie Making/Judging/Writing/Living
    • Anu Malik (IIN’s 2nd student) – Singing(Gold Medalist)/ Music Composition
    • Pritam – Music
    • Himesh Reshamiya – Acting/Singing/Music/Judging/Film Making
    • Sonam Kapoor – Acting
    • Rakhi Sawant – Acting
    • Uday Chopra – Acting
    • Karan Johar – Acting
    • Abhishek Bachchan – Acting
    • Mika Singh – Singing
    • Honey Singh – Singing

    Alumni/Students in the field of Literature/Journalism:

    • Chetan Bhagat – Writing/Commenting
    • Shobha De – Writing/Women Empowerment
    • Rajdeeep Sardesai – News Creator/Manipulator
    • Sagarika Ghosh – Do
    • Barkha Dutt – Do
    • Ayubb Rana – Do

    Alumni/Students in the field of Politics

    • Rahul Gandhi
    • Arvind Kejriwal
    • Dr Kumar Vishwas
    • Ashutosh
    • Attorney Somnath Bharti

    Alumni/Students enrolled in IIN but yet to choose their electives:

    • Shruti Seth
    • Dia Mirza
    • Rahul Yadav
    • Bilawal Bhutto
    • Omar Abdullah
    • Jacky Bhagnani
    • Sir Ravindra Jadeja
    • Virendra Singh (Jockey Boxer)

    That’s about it. For now, at least. Hope you like the compilation. Feel free to suggest more names. Looking forward to your suggestions.

  • चुप ओये चेतन भक्त… Oops… भगत!!

    Dear Mr. Bhagat, I am 30. Born to Hindu parents – so a Hindu by birth. I come from a not-so-known city of Uttar Pradesh. I work here in NCR with a digital advertising firm. I write mails in English, I talk to my friends, not-so-friendly colleagues, and bosses in English, day in day out. Last but not the least, I kinda like Narendra Modi.

    Your “Anatomy of an Internet Troll” left me intrigued. Rather pissed. I felt you pulled me up by my hair and dropped me in a box labeled – modi bhaqt.

    I guess you generalized. It’s bad!! Generalizing is bad. It’s a very shallow thing. Much, much more for a person like you.

    Why you??

    You’re an icon. Icon, for the whole bunch of kids who are in their late teens or early twenties. In a country like ours which is having sex and multiplying like rats, the count of such “fans” run in millions.

    Let me take an example here. I have read 3 of your books. First three ones, to be precise. I read them as and when they came out and I was in college at that time. So, when I read “2 States” I had this impression of you being a tall, fair, muscular with a heavy, super-manly voice. Much like the image we have of “Punjabi men” (see I am generalizing). And it was quite obvious too as movies have made us learn that it that way only. However, when I saw you in first episode of “Nach Baliye” my entire imagination of you was shattered to the core.

    You are just the opposite of the “2 States’ protagonist”. The toned body was absent. The hair was absent. The voice, too, wasn’t there. And, for me, you were effeminate (see I am bisexual. I have closely seen and lived the VIBGYOR lifestyle and I can very well see if the guy falls anywhere/somewhere in the spectrum). By the way, that’s not even the worst part of it. The worst was that your constant commentary on participants’ love life. You were being preachy, judgmental and MY-WAY-IS-THE-ONLY-RIGHT-WAY. Which sadly, was all crap. In short, that commentary was just not required. Overall, you made yourself look like a fool thus shattering the image that I (and most of us) have of you in our mind.

    Well, enough of this generalization bit. Let’s talk about your article.

    You provided 4 traits of a “Bhaqt”. First is true, for me at least! I am a male. Congratulations on that! 😉

    Now your second point says that Bhaqts have weak communication skills. Aah, Mr. Writer, why did you say that? And you tied “being cool” and “sophistication” with spoken English? Really? Let me give you few more examples here. Rahul Gandhi and Rahul Mahajan. They both can communicate very well in English. However, the former isn’t cool and the latter isn’t sophisticated. Boom!

    Your third point talks about Bhaqt not being good at talking to women, their inability to get women and being sexually frustrated. Whoa!! That’s too much of shit you can throw on a person in one go. Well Mr. Writer, that’s a very subjective thing. There are people who don’t know how to talk to women and constant approach them sexually. Look around, you’d find examples in every walk of life. In film industry, politics (remember some Tiwari?), in sports committees. Everywhere. I’d just tell you  not to generalize.

    Your last point has taken me by surprise. You think it is the Bhaqts who has issues with their Hindu/Hindi speaking identity? What rubbish! It’s people like you who’ve created that identity crisis. You only glued ‘English speaking skills’ with ‘sophistication’ and ‘cool quotient’. Not me. You know that the guy standing across the CCD counter doesn’t speak fluent English; still you place your order in rather phony accented English. Why? Haven’t you seen ladies around you addressing autowallahs with a very idiotic “Bhayaaa”? It’s the handful of rich upper class that looks down. Don’t blame the boys of the entire middle, lower-middle class for that.

    There’s much more. I have used the word ‘Shit’ somewhere in my letter. Did you notice it? I am sure you didn’t and most of the readers would’ve missed it too. Now imagine if instead of shit I had used a Hindi counterpart. What would have been your reaction?

    You’ve issues with these Bhaqts abusing these confident, English-speaking women who oppose Modi, right? Well I don’t like it either. Everyone is entitled to say his/her heart out. At least till they time they don’t come in the way of others’ rights. But you see, there is a bit of Hindi-English issue here.

    While terms like “who’s got the balls”, “ass”, “lick my butt”, “lick my back” don’t raise any eyebrows, why do words like “कुतिया”, “बेहेनचोद”, “लंड” are objected upon. Who’s at the fault here? The English speaking, confident women, I guess.

    You stop calling me “ass” and I’d stop calling you “चूतिया”. It’s okay, I believe?

    There are a lot of things that I want to write further but I don’t have any energy left in me to do it. So, I’ll keep it short.

    1. I have had a lot of sex with men and women both. I am not sexually frustrated.
    2. I love Hindi as it is my mother toungue.
    3. I respect women but can’t let them shit around.
    4. I am not a Bhaqt yet I like #NaMo for a lot of reasons.

    Why don’t you get back to work…. I mean go suck at Nach Baliye’s set.